I feel alone

The room is filled with people, they are all talking and laughing. Then there’s me all alone, sitting in the corner. It’s weird because there are hundreds of people but I feel so alone. My sisters are off planing stuff and talking and the adults are talking and I sit there alone doing nothing. I try to join in but it feels like I’m getting pushed out. I try to make plans and hang with my sisters. But it seems likes they don’t care about me. I hate this feeling it, happeneds all the time. I never know what to do. It happens all the time. They can be talking to me but yet it feels like they’re talking right past me to the nothing. Every time I feel like we have plans to do something and everything’s going good, another excuse pops up. But when my dad ask my sisters if we are ever going to do something together they lie through their teeth with a pretty smile and say sure but they go off together and I’m left alone. I especially hate when my older sister says I understand giving your conditioned if you don’t want to go with me. That pisses me off so much. The thing is is I’ve never actually come out to her talk about my anxiety disorder my social anxiety because I didn’t want to get treated like that where I’m prone to not talking to people or I don’t leave the house. I kept it a secret from her because I didn’t want to be label someone like that but yet she treats me like that. Thought I was behind all that she always kept saying I would say okay if you didn’t pass this test giving your dyslexia. And that made me mad because I hated the fact that was labeled like that and at the time I thought she was being nice but now it doesn’t feel like that anymore. My older sister says “it’s okay if you don’t want to go out giving how you feel” my anxiety doesn’t stop me, Sarah. It stops you from hanging with me. But don’t worry. I’ll just stay home and clean and do stuff that won’t get done unless I do it! When she plans these parties and she invites my younger sister and when people ask why I didn’t go to the party real reason I wasn’t invited but the excuse she tells everyone else she wasn’t feeling up to it she’s never want to go out.
I’m sorry guys this has been on my mind for awhile and just wanted to get it off my chest. I’m sorry if it’s not making sense or all rambling. As always thank you guys for all you do, I love you guys, and I’ll see you in the next post.
Xoxo, Allie

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