I always felt like I couldn’t do anything.

Growing up I was always compared to my older sister. No matter what I did it was judged by what she did. Now that I’m older It has only gotten worse. My Abuela passed away last Friday. And so we have been talking to a lot of family members that we haven’t talked to you in awhile. And as my dad’s talking to them he’s talking about how we’re doing and I couldn’t help but realize he has a lot to say about Sarah my older sister when I came time to me I was just the girl at home who does nothing. It’s like he had to reword things to make it seem like I’m doing something. Like he would say you know she’s home doing school. He had to say it like she’s at home doing school because she’s busy with other stuff. But he couldn’t say what other stuff it wasn’t because he didn’t know. If that makes sense.

My sister recently just got a new car everyone was proud of her because this is like opening up the first line of credit and she is doing stuff on her own. We are only 18 months apart so when she does something everyone looks to me like what am I doing with my life. And that just makes me feel shitty! No one realizes what I do. And then when people talk about school, my sister graduated top of her class from high school there was a big party and everything I never got the party or the diploma I was forced to drop out and get my GED to take care of my mom. And then when she died I had to take care of my family. Because my older sister decided to not help she decide to get out why she could. But no one talks about that part. All they see the girl that dropped out of high school and that’s it. And that hurts. They don’t know everything that I do, I’m the one who’s always cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, taking care of my dad, taking care of my sister all while trying to take care of myself. They don’t realize how bad my anxiety has gotten they don’t realize how bad my social anxiety has gotten they don’t know. But it sucks when you hear someone talk about everything my older sister’s doing and then when it comes time to me they can’t think of anything. I hate getting compared to her because I’m nothing like my older sister. Yes, we have our similarities because we are sisters but we’re Beyond different in so many ways. I’m not a stuck-up bitch I have feelings I unlike her. I was there for my family when they needed help you weren’t. No one ever sees that and it just upsets me.

I hope you guys like this post I’m sorry it’s kind of Ranty I just have had a lot on my mind recently and just need to get it out and vent. Let me know the comments down below do you get compared to a sibling or someone in your family? As always thank you for everything you do guys I love you so much and I’ll see you in the next post!

Xoxo Allie💋

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