Let’s talk about sleep…

This wasn’t my original post that I wanted to put today. But I wanted to get this off my chest. If you do not know I have a severe anxiety disorder. I’ve had for almost 10 years. There are many symptoms and stuff that comes with it but the main problem I want to talk about today is sleeping.

I slept all day today. I did not sleep at all that night. my lovely boyfriend said to me maybe try sleeping at night and you wouldn’t sleep all day. If you do nothing all day you should be able to sleep all night. I literally started bawling my eyes out. Everyday I hear something like that from family members or friends or random people. They just think I just sleep all day and night and do absolutely nothing. Let me tell you how sleeping goes for me. Keep in mind it is different for everybody.

I dread going to sleep sometimes. if I had a very anxious day I know I will not be able to sleep. I have prescription sleeping pills that I do take and all It does is make me tired and I can shut my eyes and want to go to sleep but my mind will not stop. I will be so exhausted that all I want to do is sleep but when I lay there and close my eyes I start having panic attacks. So I don’t go to sleep. I will have a full-blown crying attack because I can’t sleep. So I’ll just watch Netflix or try to get some work done. Sometimes I can be up for 24 hours because I just don’t want to go to sleep. Its so stressful to sleep i will think about it all day and get so anxious about it. People don’t understand I just can’t lay in bed and sleep.

If by some miracle of a chance I feel the need to go to sleep and my body is not fighting me I will sleep no matter what time it is. Whether it is 9 a.m. or 4 in the afternoon I will go to sleep because I need to get every little sleep I can get. I just survive on little naps throughout the day because it’s all my mind will let me have. so no I can’t just go to sleep at night to fix my sleeping schedule I’ve tried for 10 years. And it’s so frustrating to have him say just go to sleep.. I literally fight myself all the time and it is mentally exhausting.

I’m sorry if this post seems all over the place I just really wanted to get this off my chest. I hope you guys are having a wonderful day and I hope you guys I’m struggling to sleep too much. Don’t forget I love you guys.

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