Earlier today I expressed to my amazing yet annoying boyfriend I was kind of mad at him. I didn’t say I was disappointed nothing like that, just that I was a little mad. He had a meeting which took the whole day apparently and I kind of wanted attention cause I was depressed but of course, I didn’t want to tell him that and make him feel bad that I didn’t get attention. So the next day I was still in a mood because anxiety disorder doesn’t just magically go away He asked what is wrong I proceeded to tell him I’m fine I’ll get over it because I didn’t want to go through it right now cause lately everything I say turns into an argument. So eventually end up telling him that I had a bad day yesterday and that I am not feeling good still today. And all he kept saying was I am sorry over and over again. Which is usually a normal thing to say. I hate apologies Growing up people would do something super shitty and then proceeded to apologize and do the same thing it’s an endless cycle and I hate it. Then he takes the I feel really bad for you route. I have expressed to him multiple times that I hate the way he sees me with my anxiety and my depression. There’s a difference between giving me the right attention and pettying me don’t fucking Petty me or I will fucking hate you. And then the conversation just stopped. And I take a nap because this is getting nowhere and I don’t want to talk to him right now. I woke up from a nap from a text saying he’s home I say ok and then he proceeds to tell me “you seem quiet today” well no shit Sherlock then he proceeds to tell me he’s worried about me. And that ladies and gentlemen and those who have yet to make up their mind, is pretty much where he fucked up. so I tell him straight up you can’t say you’re worried about me when you chose to not give a damn the whole day. You can’t say you worry about me when You didn’t try to get my mind off things you didn’t try to talk to me. Out of the 20 messages I have sent him all consist of the same sentence just reformed. it’s so frustrating. My whole life I would try to say my feelings to someone and I got nowhere so it’s made it incredibly hard to say how I’m feeling when I finally tell him how I’m feeling it gets dismissed like I’m just being a brat or that I was making shit up with my hand and that is so hard. So he went to bed and didn’t say goodnight to me so I’m not going to say goodnight to him and I’m definitely going to get yelled at for it in the morning but also fuck him.
The moral of the story is nothing got resolved I’m going to get yelled at in the morning for telling him how I feel and him telling me he did nothing wrong!