Let’s be honest, I always fucking sucked at social media. It’s my job to be on social media. To post photos and updates for my life but it’s really hard to do that. It’s hard to do that even before quarantine started. I always hated To show my life because I didn’t want to get judged. But that’s awesome it is it’s judging other people by their photos. But I got used to it and kind of enjoyed it for a while. I’ve always had it and social media is growing up. I had myspace and it was one of my favorite things ever. I had it all decked out with Taylor Swift songs and all the games And then Facebook came along and my aunt made me a Facebook at a young age and I started talking to family members on there. And then Instagram came along and I got Instagram. I was in high school when I got it. Didn’t post anything. Just followed my family member and my friends that’s it. And then I got into YouTube so I followed my favorite YouTubers and want to live their lives. And it was at that moment that I started comparing myself to other people’s social media. Facebook yeah you can compare yourself but there wasn’t much to compare yourself on like Instagram is just for photos so that’s all you see are photos of the lies you want. It wasn’t as bad as it is now. Now that I have Facebook I don’t use as much. The family member I would talk to don’t talk to me anymore because you know I’m not a Christian and I’m not like my older sister. And the family who was supposed to be in there for me after my mom died hasn’t tried to reach out since then. The family I do see on there is really racist and Republican and pro-life so I want nothing to do with them. But I have 2 Instagram ones you guys see me post on and I follow mostly bloggers and Instagramers. I see their lives and I want that. And lately, I have been not going to Instagram because I have to tell myself don’t go on Instagram you’re going to see something that is going to trigger you I’ve never been like that before. I’ve never had panic attacks and seeing other people on Instagram. And granted right now I’m not mentally stable. I am so mentally exhausted that I don’t know what to do with myself. I cry for no reason I have panic attacks for no reason going on Instagram is definitely not for me right now. And then my other Instagram is my family personal Instagram it’s the one where I follow all my family members and I don’t get too many panic attacks from that one because I have not to update that. I use it because I have 4 group charts with my sisters and cousin. We send a lot of memes to each other and see how everyone is doing.
So I guess the point of this post is to say, if you don’t see me on Instagram a lot here’s why and to say it’s okay to take a break from social media. Everyone needs a break from time to time!