I’m so excited to start off mental health week talking about my story and my struggles. I’m going to try my best to keep this as to organize as I can but there’s a lot to talk about so I was going to get started.
I want to start with my childhood really quick I think that’s a big part in it. In third grade my parents started noticing but I was struggling in school I would get stressed out when it came to test or anything School wise. Eventually they got me tested out and I found out that I had dyslexia. And I think that’s where the symptoms started to become a little bit noticeable of my anxiety. We move on to when I was about 10 or 11:00 I started getting these really bad stomach pains. Like they were really bad like I could not move nothing. For the longest time my mom thought I was making it up I couldn’t move I wouldn’t do in there I wouldn’t sleep so I’d stay up for 48 hours at a time just cuz it was so painful. I would even feel really light-headed and almost feel like I was about to puke. Come to find out they were anxiety pains and I get them now constantly but I know how to manage them. Then in middle school I would have a full-on crying temper tantrum because I did not want to go to school it wasn’t that I didn’t hate school I loved it especially middle school but I hated the thought of being with people being around people and that was a clear struggle for your social anxiety. But again my mom chopped it off as me being stubborn and just being a pain in the ass and wanting to make her life harder. So no one cared.
Now let’s actually talk about my mental health. I have an anxiety disorder I was diagnosed when I was 18 after my mom died I took it in my own hands to figure out what’s wrong with me because no one else care. With it came a lot of other diagnosis. I have a panic attack disorder social anxiety disorder and the big one ptsd. And my head I thought I just had anxiety just didn’t think anything of it but you know all that is wrong with me is kind of scary. So we’re going to take a step-by-step and kind of talk about my symptoms for each one and how they came to be.
So panic attacks are anxiety disorder kind of go hand in hand to where I get panic attacks and anxiety attacks constantly. I’m always worrying of the end of the world for no reason I will get panic attacks for no reason and it can be very annoying but also painful. I get the chest pains the stomach pains the nauseousness the hyperventilating all of it. I don’t sleep I will go 24 to 48 hours of sleeping because I have stuff that I still think it done I’m an adult with a job in school and so I can’t sleep sometime so I’ll just stay up. But all the symptoms that I had as a child were very clear after and you this information and I get them today but I know how to manage it and I know it’s not fake.
Next episode of social anxiety this isn’t shocking. It’s not as bad as you think like don’t get me wrong I do love going out with friends before the pandemic and I loved going out and just being around people but I still get panic attacks constantly and even now when I go into a grocery store especially by myself I will have a panic attack if just one little thing goes wrong and it’s tough but I managed it pretty well. It did help when I had someone there for me but obviously we broke up so I’m back at it by myself but I’m working on it and it’s getting there.
Now for the thing that I never thought I would have ptsd. This comes from a lot of different things growing up but the two main things would be my mother’s mental abuse. She got sick when I was 15 and she got sick really fast so she was in a wheelchair she couldn’t do anything she could have moved and all that and I took care of her I dropped out of school to take care of her because I had to. If I just needed one second to myself because I was up all night giving her medicine and feeding her helping her to the simple things I was called the stubborn and selfish one even though my sister’s didn’t want to help at all. My mother mentally abused me to take care of her and because of that I have PTSD from it and it can trigger me. I hate that word trigger. But it’s true there’s just little things where I feel like if I do something wrong I go into panic mode and it’s not fun. Another thing is with my dad who I love so much don’t get me wrong but if I feel like I can’t make him happy if I don’t have something that you want or I say no to him I’m scared and it will trigger me to have another panic attack and it sucks but it’s what happens. There’s still a lot that I’m still learning with my PTSD and how it correlates with my anxiety disorders and stuff but to know that I wasn’t making all this up and they’re all real things just make me feel a little bit I just know that I’m not just crazy.
I hope you guys enjoyed this post. These are very vague details on them and that’s because I’m still learning I dig a diagnosed with the anxiety disorder 18 but the PTSD in the panic disorder are all still very new to me and a sense of where I’m still learning and it’s still hard to share because I was denied it so long and saying that was making all this up so it’s still scary to talk about it. I hope you guys are all doing amazing and no matter what’s going on just know I’m here for you and anytime y’all can message me on Instagram or even comment on any post if you just need to vent or just rant about something thank you guys for everything you guys do and I love you guys so much