Lately, I’ve been fighting my anxiety a lot. I don’t know why it’s been so bad lately. If you saw my post last month about the difference between having anxiety and an anxiety disorder then you know and when I say I’m sick and not feeling good it’s not because of a cold or flu but because of my anxiety is literally making me sick. It’s been so hard for me to do anything. I fight myself to get out of bed. All I want to do is just sleep. Because every time I get up I think of everything that’s just me and everything I have to do and it’s too much. I just want to lay in bed and go to sleep. I hate this feeling because everyone’s my mood. 
I want to be happy and I am happy but it’s hard to really do anything. When people act if I want to go do something I have to say no. The chest pains, stomach pains and the headaches are the worst. I don’t feel like explaining to them the whole medical history of an anxiety disorder. It’s just been my mood lately and it sucks. It’s affected my work because every time I go to sit on my desk to get work done I just get stressed out. It affects everything I do my family. Because I just don’t want to get out of bed. It’s not me being depressed even though it sounds like that I just don’t want to handle the stress and the pain that comes with it.
There are days when I will dress up do my hair do my makeup and some heels and a fancy dress but then there are other days when I wear no makeup my hair’s doing whatever it wants to do because I ain’t got time to control it. I’m wearing an oversized t-shirt and some black leggings. I am obsessed with videogames and I am a huge geek I can recite lines from Star Wars and I spend most of my time playing video games. But I also love romantic movies and I love makeup. My favorite color is black and orange because I am in October baby but I also love pastel colors. I love The Addams Family but I will also never turn down a good Disney princess movie. Well besides Frozen. Not a fan of that shit lol. I live in the Florida more specifically Redneck Side of Florida. I’m not scared of mud I know more about cars and trucks than I ever thought I would I will jam
out to an old country song and new country music anytime. I will listen to some heavy metal and some Fall Out Boy but then the next song might be a Taylor Swift song. I cuss a lot and I get that from my father. I will eat a whole bunch of food that I know I shouldn’t. There isn’t a one-sided way to describe me and I know there isn’t one for you either. I am who I am and There is a lot of ways to describe me. If I wear a tight dress, show off a little skin, do all the makeup, I don’t do it for a guy I’m doing it for myself because I chose to do that. I want to go out with no makeup and I’m in a giant sweatshirt and leggings that’s my choice and you cannot tell me I can or cannot do that. It took me a while to get to a place in my life where I can make a decision on what I want to wear and not have someone tell me what can or cannot. And I want you guys to understand it’s your choice too. You don’t have to be stereotyped as a girl. You can be whatever you want to be in life. And I know this goes for guys too.
There’s a lot of symptoms that can affect you and I would like to talk about some of them. I’m always saying I’m sick or not feeling good which is true but when people hear that they just think of like a cold or flu but it’s not that. For me, it’s feeling dizzy all the time feeling nauseous super weak both mentally and physically. There are also headaches stomach pains which are the worst for me and chest pains. Now those are just some of my symptoms and I know some people have different ones but because of that and makes it day-to-day things much harder. Anxiety disorders suck and there’s not really anything you can do about the sickness part of it but you can help to make the anxiety part of it feel better. Celebrate every little thing you did today. Even in just means, you got out of bed. And it’s okay if you’re not feeling well one day and you just want to stay in bed we all have days like that. Take a mental health day and if it takes longer than a day than it’s okay. I think it’s important to have breaks like that and take a mental health day even when you don’t have any serious anxiety disorder problems. Because life is hard no matter what did you’re going to face challenges every day and sometimes you just need a day to relax and breathe in organize your thoughts.
I try to breathe and stay calm. I will try to take a break and try again later. I read some of my favorite blogs to see if anything happens but sometimes I come up with nothing. No post done means no post to upload for you guys. Then I start to panic and my anxiety sets in. I feel like I have to get something done for you guys and I feel like if I don’t get a blog post at now it will just stress me out until I get it done! I need to learn to just relax and take it easy I’ll get done when it gets done and I know you guys will understand!
