I hate this feeling.

downloadLately, I’ve been fighting my anxiety a lot. I don’t know why it’s been so bad lately. If you saw my post last month about the difference between having anxiety and an anxiety disorder then you know and when I say I’m sick and not feeling good it’s not because of a cold or flu but because of my anxiety is literally making me sick. It’s been so hard for me to do anything. I fight myself to get out of bed. All I want to do is just sleep. Because every time I get up I think of everything that’s just me and everything I have to do and it’s too much. I just want to lay in bed and go to sleep. I hate this feeling because everyone’s my mood. 4ccbae6ce8345e9e30800dcde512d8ffI want to be happy and I am happy but it’s hard to really do anything. When people act if I want to go do something I have to say no. The chest pains, stomach pains and the headaches are the worst. I don’t feel like explaining to them the whole medical history of an anxiety disorder. It’s just been my mood lately and it sucks. It’s affected my work because every time I go to sit on my desk to get work done I just get stressed out. It affects everything I do my family. Because I just don’t want to get out of bed. It’s not me being depressed even though it sounds like that I just don’t want to handle the stress and the pain that comes with it.

Where I’ve been

PanicAttack2Well hello everybody. I know it’s been two months since I’ve posted on the blog. But I had a good reason. Lately the past few months my anxiety has been really bad. I’ve been constantly just sick and have no motivation to get out of bed. I didn’t want to do anything. It was hard for me to do the things that I had to do. The constant headaches sucked. The stomach pain from my anxiety disorder was really really bad. Everybody was asking so much me and I can only do so much I just felt so low. It’s been a while since I’ve had this feeling everything just closing in on me. It’s been tough. And I’m trying to just focus on the things that I have to get done and doing the bare mineral. But I’m back. I am officially back and I have the whole month planned out and ready for you guys. There’s a lot of fun stuff is going to be happening on this month and I’m excited to plan on next month then get everything to you guys.

I’m so happy to be back but I want your guys’ opinion. What is some post you want to see on my blog? That’s always guys I love you guys so much, thank you for everything you do, and I’ll see you in the next post.

I’m taking a break

I know I just came back from a break. But I thought I was ready to come back to work. But my anxiety is still so bad. I never want to put out a post just to put one out I wanted to be a something I’m proud of. Something that I would love to read. So I never want to rush into a post. And lately it’s been so hard to sit down and just work. I start to work and I feel great and then my anxiety kicks im. I’m taking the rest of August off to regroup and rethink everything. This month is really tough in general because on the 10th will Mark a year since my grandmother and is so very tough on all of us. So I just need to breathe plan out all next month and get my anxiety in order. But I promise I will be back. I just need more time. I love you guys and thank you for everything I really mean it. I will still be active on Instagram and Twitter so it’s not like I’m going away completely.

I’m a girl, you are a girl, we are all girls!!!

download (13)There are days when I will dress up do my hair do my makeup and some heels and a fancy dress but then there are other days when I wear no makeup my hair’s doing whatever it wants to do because I ain’t got time to control it. I’m wearing an oversized t-shirt and some black leggings. I am obsessed with videogames and I am a huge geek I can recite lines from Star Wars and I spend most of my time playing video games. But I also love romantic movies and I love makeup. My favorite color is black and orange because I am in October baby but I also love pastel colors. I love The Addams Family but I will also never turn down a good Disney princess movie. Well besides Frozen. Not a fan of that shit lol. I live in the Florida more specifically Redneck Side of Florida. I’m not scared of mud I know more about cars and trucks than I ever thought I would I will jamdownload (10) out to an old country song and new country music anytime. I will listen to some heavy metal and some Fall Out Boy but then the next song might be a Taylor Swift song. I cuss a lot and I get that from my father. I will eat a whole bunch of food that I know I shouldn’t. There isn’t a one-sided way to describe me and I know there isn’t one for you either. I am who I am and There is a lot of ways to describe me. If I wear a tight dress, show off a little skin, do all the makeup, I don’t do it for a guy I’m doing it for myself because I chose to do that. I want to go out with no makeup and I’m in a giant sweatshirt and leggings that’s my choice and you cannot tell me I can or cannot do that. It took me a while to get to a place in my life where I can make a decision on what I want to wear and not have someone tell me what can or cannot. And I want you guys to understand it’s your choice too. You don’t have to be stereotyped as a girl. You can be whatever you want to be in life. And I know this goes for guys too.